Should I Believe In Soulmates?

Updated: May 11, 2020

The short answer? No.

It may be controversial and I may sound like the ultimate cynic for saying it - but hear me out...

Believing In Soulmates Is Toxic.

There, I said it! Let’s start with the definition of a soulmate (or The One, which is a common synonym) that I’ll be talking about here. In this context, soulmates are those whom we believe are meant to be with us - they are our other half, a mirror-image. The destiny has decided we belong together, so we’re bound to meet, instantly fall in love, and no matter what happens, we are meant to be and stay together.

"So what’s so toxic about true love?!", you may be asking angrily.

Well, answer me this: Does the definition above leave any room at all for responsibility or accountability from romantic partners? All I see here is - you don’t decide when to meet, you don’t decide to be together, and you take no part in staying together, either. It's all supposed to happen magically, right?

This belief leaves you free from hard work and effort any successful relationship needs. After all, if you’re meant to be, why work hard on your problems? You’ll just get through them naturally, with no dedication or problem-solving what-so-ever!

And that’s where it gets toxic. The whole “we’re meant to be” mentality keeps you from assessing your relationship realistically and noticing when there is a problem that needs to be fixed. You believe that all will be well and decide to ignore what’s not working, and once the other person has enough, they just turn into another trope: the one that got away.

Also, Let’s Be Honest… Soulmates Are Creepy.

Okay... Maybe not this creepy.

Just humor me here. Imagine meeting a person who is exactly the same as you: same hobbies, plans in life, interests… You like eating the same food, going to the same places, reading the same books, you even work similar jobs!

Not only does it sound borderline creepy - it also sounds like you’d get bored of them pretty quickly. Without any novelty, your relationship is bound to turn into a habit rather than a perfect adventure. Isn't it?

Love Might Be Magic, But Relationships are Hard Work and Compromise

I know it’s hard to accept that there may not be a perfect someone waiting for us around the corner - and that’s another part of the toxicity, isn’t it? By believing you’ll meet your ideal mate on a rainy day as your books spill and he holds an umbrella above your head, you block your own personal development. Instead of working on yourself and proactively getting to know new people, preparing for the one you’ll click with, you leave it up to chance and end up seriously unhappy when you notice that life is often far different from rom-coms that shape our expectations.

But by taking responsibility for your life, and later on for your relationship, not only do you grow as a person, but you also raise your chances of a happily ever after! (I never said I’m not a romantic, did I?) When problems appear, you need to assess and solve them together, instead of relying on a higher power to solve them for you. When you’re unhappy, it’s okay to admit it and work on changing something! There’s not a single long-lasting relationship that never had its ups and downs, and as cliché as it may sound - that’s what made it better.

It’s all about compromise and hard work. And wouldn’t you rather have someone who’d fight for you when it gets hard than a boring soulmate?

© 2020 by Modern Coupling.